A Girl’s Guide to Dating

A Girl’s Guide to Dating
Aight sister-I am just going to come out and say it: dating in the 21st century is rough. With all the games we play, technology we utilize, and insanely busy schedules, traditional dating has gone the way of the Dodo.

It seems like mission impossible.

Over the years, I have compiled some good, godly dating advice and personal experiences that I feel God has called me to share with you guys. Being a twenty something Christian girl in the dating world is difficult, but when your perspective is properly focused and you go into a new relationship with a clear mind, armed with scripture, it makes the whole process 100x easier.

1.KEEP YOUR PERSPECTIVE

I say this a lot. And is it numero uno on this list because it is that important. Keep your eyes focused on God. Keep Him as Lord of your life. It is so easy to get wrapped up in a new relationship. It’s easy to get swept away in the romance of it all and that can be a good thing. Don’t feel bad for getting butterflies and getting excited when you see him. That is normal and good! But make sure that he doesn’t take the place that was meant for Christ. Christ can only fill that longing and make you complete.

No guy can even come close to filling that place. When you put that type of unnatural pressure and expectation on a relationship, it will end up hurting both people involved and making you extremely let down.

Matthew 6:33 states,

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Keep Christ as your #1.

2. TO ATTRACT THE BEST, YOU NEED TO BE YOUR BEST

In order to snag the godly guy, you have to be a godly woman. A man who loves God is going to be attracted to a woman who loves the Lord and that is evident through how she treats others, how she serves others, and how she carries herself. I know this should go without saying, but go to church.

Get involved.

Serve the Lord because you love Jesus, not to find a dude.

A servant’s heart is one of the most attractive characteristics a person can possess. If you want a man after God’s own heart, you need to be a woman who loves the Lord. Gaze on Jesus and fall deeper in love with Him.

3. KNOW YOU CAN’T CHANGE A MAN

I know women love projects. We love crafting and decorating our tiny apartments. Athropologie and Hobby Lobby have become my second homes because I love interior design that much. And that is awesome, but do not make a man into your next project. I know we all have had that thought, “he will change for me!”

But do not fall into that deception.

Yes, people can change, but it’s not your job to fix someone. That is the Lord’s work and when you put that kind of burden on yourself it really is not good. Besides you don’t want that homie to change for you-you want him to genuinely love Jesus. Sister, please don’t get into a new relationship wanting to change someone. You can grow closer to God together. But if you enter into a new relationship with the idea that you will evangelize him and lead him to Christ, just don’t.

You can point him to God as a friend, or better yet, find a godly guy friend for him to spend time with. You do not want to fall in love with someone who doesn’t have a relationship with the Lord. That is heartbreaking.

4. HAVE FRIENDS WHO KEEP YOU ACCOUNTABLE

You need to have godly friends: friends who you can share your struggles and temptations with. Friends who will make sure you don’t spend the night at his house and friends who are in fight for purity with you. It’s a tough battle and you can not do it alone. As humans, we are made for companionship. You need friends who encourage you and tell you lovingly when you are in the wrong. This is absolutely critical. Proverbs 27:17 speaks to this truth, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” We need friends who will make us better and hold us accountable!

Hear me when I say this. You need friends who understand the gospel & you need to understand the gospel. Friends who you are not ashamed to share your weaknesses with. You will mess up. And you need friends who won’t shame you and just tell you to do better. But friends who lovingly remind you of the grace that Jesus gives and kindly point you toward turning away from your sin.

Jesus is not about behavior modification alone, He is about heart change.

Here is one of my favorite resources on how the gospel speaks into every aspect of our lives.

Dating is hard. Dating godly is even harder.

Whenever you start a new relationship, keep your heart and your eyes transfixed on the Lord.

Go into that new relationship with your priorities in check and with a clear mind centered on the Lord, holding that relationship with an open hand. Have a strong group of godly girlfriends who do life with you and help each other’s walk with the Lord.

The most important thing to remember when dating is knowing who and what defines you: your relationship with the Lord.

Another crucial thing to remember is that everyone’s path is different. One thing God promises is that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). So if you’re single, dating, or married-know that you have immeasurable worth in Jesus.

If you’re single-there is nothing wrong with you. God’s timing is different than ours and He sees the big picture while we only see a tiny fragment. Keep your identity in Christ at the forefront of your mind.

 

Love you so much sister and know you are never, ever alone. Jesus promises to be with you until the end of the age (Matthew 28). Please feel free to send this to any friends who are walking through the difficult path of dating!

LYLAS,

Rachel

10 Perfect (& Affordable!) Holiday Party Looks

10 Perfect (& Affordable!) Holiday Party Looks

Tis’ the season for holiday parties! Holiday parties are my fave-especially being a plus one! If you’re anything like me-you have a myriad of holiday parties approaching. Some ranging from black tie to tacky Christmas sweater to more conservative work parties. If you’e also like me-you love dressing super classy but-ya girl has a budget. I have gathered all my favorite finds this December to compile this list of all my favorite holiday party looks for every single get together you have this season! And-the greatest news of all-they’re all affordable-the most affordable being $19.90 (wait-what?!) to the most pricey being $118. Hope you enjoy this guide and have a wonderful time at your plethora of holiday parties this season!

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Jumpsuit: Forever 21 $19.90     Bag: Tory Burch      Shoes: Top Shop

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Dress: Nordstrom $118     Bag: Tory Burch

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Top: Forever 21 $18     Skirt: Forever 21 $17.90

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Dress: Nordstrom (Top Shop) $65      Earrings: Kendra Scott      Bag: Madewell

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Dress: Nordstrom (Lulu’s) $72     Earrings: Kendra Scott

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Sweater: Target $34

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Dress: Francesca’s    Shoes: Prada

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Dress: Zara $39

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Dress: Nordstrom $100      Shoes: Prada

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Dress: Forever 21 $19.90

I hope that each of you have a wonderful time at all your holiday parties-whether it’s a black tie event or a group of girls in tacky sweaters drinking champagne and playing How Do you Meme or a cozy family get together with your precious nieces and nephews watching Elf and drinking hot cocoa! It’s my prayer that each of you take time this crazy holiday season to rest in Jesus. To take time away from all the parties-to sit and think about how wonderful it is that our Savior humbled himself to live in this world so that we can have a sympathetic God who understands what it is to be human! I also pray that your Christmas season is filled with special memories that you will always cherish. Take time to play silly games with your little cousins and family. Laugh hard, don’t take yourself too seriously-alright?! Instead of getting wrapped up in staging Insta-worthy photos, put your phone down and make real memories! I love you all and hope you have a wonderful holiday season!

 

LYLAS-

Rach

Why You Should Ditch Your Husband Checklist

Rachel Prochnow Faith blogger austin Texas.jpgA little while ago, one of my friends went on a date with a guy. He was attractive, fun, loved the Lord, passionate, and she loved spending time with him. But as her best friend, something about this guy rubbed me the wrong way. He had this long list of qualifications necessary to be his girlfriend. The many qualifications on this list ranged from “sexy,” to “passionate woman of God”, to “hipster.” Needless to say, I wasn’t a fan. How dare he try to fit my beautiful, Gospel-loving, hilarious, adventurous, bold, compassionate, and thoughtful friend into this list where he was trying to play God to find a woman who fit into his ridiculous mold or standard.

I was furious.

After thinking about this, I realized that growing up, I was always told by very well-meaning people to make a list for my future husband.

I had tons of lists.

I have lately been convicted of how this took my eyes off Jesus. Before we begin, I want to be sure to communicate several things to you. The first is that you need to know what a biblical man is. If you don’t know, check it out here. When you date, don’t leave your brain at the door. If the guy is a punk or doesn’t love Jesus or isn’t kind to you or others-peace out as quickly as you can. I do think there is one certain requirement for who you marry (and therefore informs your dating) that the Bible outlines-that he is a genuine follower of Christ. I am explaining here the dangers of making a very specific list of shallow requirements and discrediting people who don’t fall into your stringent outline. Another thing I am not saying is to stay in an abusive relationship. If you are struggling, send me an email and I can encourage you personally. The last thing I want to communicate is that I am not letting men bow out of their standard set forth by God. I’m not giving them an excuse to treat you unkindly or in a disrespectful way. That is between them and God. Through this article, I want your heart and love for Jesus to be the focus. Ok, now we can start.

1. STOP FOCUSING ON A GUY AND START FOCUSING ON JESUS

There are many reasons why making a list might not be the best idea, but this is the most important. Putting anything before Christ is idolatry. Jesus Christ and the Gospel need to be at your core. When you have a deep love for the Gospel, you will be able to trust that within Him, all your needs are met and satisfied. Then you won’t look to fulfillment through a potential or imaginary “soul mate” as your “other half.” You have been liberated and completed in Christ. Until God is where He needs to be in your heart, you are constantly going to be complaining that your partner is not loving you adequately, treating you well enough, or respecting you like he should.

2. IT CAN PUT UNNATURAL PRESSURE ON YOUR PARTNER

Tim Keller said it best in the Meaning of Marriage, “It is the illusion that if we find our one true soul mate, everything wrong with us will be healed; but that makes the lover into God, and no human being can live unto that.” He goes on to say, “If your only source of love and meaning is your spouse, than anytime he or she fails you, it will not just cause grief, but a psychological cataclysm.” God needs to be your first and foremost love-not your boyfriend or husband. Trying to force him to fit into your little list puts too much emphasis on him and too little on Jesus and the Gospel. The Gospel and Jesus is where your identity lies, not in a relationship or man.

3. YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULDN’T BE A TRANSACTION

Think of Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Is your list putting another’s needs before your own? If not, it might be selfish. Also, I don’t know about you but I do not want my marriage to be a consumer relationship. Tim Keller explains it best, “Throughout history there have always been consumer relationships. Such a relationship only lasts as long as the vendor meets your needs at an acceptable cost to you. If another vendor delivers better services or the same services at a better cost, you have no obligation to stay in a relationship with the original vendor.” Biblical marriage is a covenant relationship not a consumer relationship. Keller describes a covenant relationship as “a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other. […] The Bible sees God as the supreme good-not the individual or family.” You should want a relationship built on Jesus and love, not considering how much you can gain through the other person.

4. CHRIST CAME TO SERVE AND NOT TO BE SERVED

I always think of this incredible passage in John 13 when Jesus washes His disciples’ feet. Not only was Jesus presenting a beautiful picture of the Gospel to His followers, He was also showing us an example of how we ought to serve others. I remember Matthew 20:26 when considering this, “It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Jesus is our example. We shouldn’t be looking for what we can potentially gain out of a relationship, but how we can demonstrate Christ’s love to that person God has called us to be in a relationship with and how you can further the kingdom together.

 5. LOVE LIKE JESUS

Seeing my friend being held to this guy’s ridiculous standard enraged me. It made me realize just how arrogant and egocentric this particular guy was. He didn’t see the wonderful girl before him because he was so transfixed on finding this “ideal” girl developed in his mind’s eye. Instead of fitting someone into your mold, I want to challenge you to love selflessly, expecting nothing in return. One of my favorite pastors Matt Chandler says in his book The Mingling of Souls, “There is a beauty even in loving without response because that kind of love is truly selfless. When we love with no expectation or promise of reciprocity, we know what it means to sacrifice and deny ourselves in ways we wouldn’t otherwise.” Love that way. Love selflessly. Love like Jesus loved.

6. IT CAN BE A CONTROL IDOL

All sin can be traced to different root sins. Creating a list of requirements necessary in a man can be a way of not surrendering your desire to the Lord. It actually can be the opposite. It’s like saying, “God, you are not strong enough to control this, you have too much on your plate. Just let me take care of it.”

Hold on.

Remember that verse in Matthew 10:29-31, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” God knows your desires. He understands. Surrender that to God. Seek His face before anything else and hold on to the promise in Romans 8:28, “God works out all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”

LYLAS

Rach

Outfits to Help Ya Gobble Till Ya Wobble

Outfits to Help Ya Gobble Till Ya Wobble

Tis’ the season for pie. And more pie. And more pie! One of my all time favorite holidays is Thanksgiving. I love how it brings families together to celebrate all that we have to be thankful for! I also am a big huge fan of food. So when I set out to choose the perfect Thanksgiving attire, I want something with two very important components. First and foremost, it must be comfy! I want to eat alllll the turkey and dressing I want and not feel constricted in any way shape or form! Secondly, I want my outfit to be cute. I don’t know about you guys, but my family loves to take copious amounts of photos around the holidays so I wanna be lookin’ fly! Without that second component, I would probably be wearing Outdoor Voices joggers and a t-shirt tbh. Right here in this blog I’ve rounded up all my favorite Thanksgiving looks for you to chose from! Let me know what you think!

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Sweater and Jeans: Alterd State      Bag: Louis Vuitton      Boots: Steve Madden

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Sweater: Shop Priceless      Jeans: Loft      Hat: Francesca’s      Bag: Louis Vuitton      Boots: Steve Madden

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Sweater: Shop Priceless      Jeans: Loft          Bag: Louis Vuitton      Boots: Steve Madden

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Sweater: Forever 21      Jeans: Francesca’s          Bag: Louis Vuitton      Boots: Steve Madden

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Sweater: Francesca’s      Jeans: Loft          Bag: Marc Jacobs      Boots: Steve Madden

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Sweater, Dress, and Hat: Luxe Apothetique        Boots: Steve Madden

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Sweater, Skort, and Hat: Luxe Apothetique      Bag: Louis Vuitton      Boots: Steve Madden

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Sweater: Anthropologie

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Sweater and Skirt: Forever 21      Shoes: Steve Madden      Bag: Louis Vuitton

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Shoes: Nordstrom BP      Jeans: Loft      Bag: Marc Jacobs      Jacket: BCBG

That rounds up all of my thanksgiving day ideas! I think I am going to rock the pink chenille sweater from Shop Priceless! More important than any outfit you could wear this Thursday, I hope that you and your family have such a wonderful time counting all your blessings. And you all would take that quality time to put your phones down-make food together, watch and make fun of the Lifetime Christmas movies, laugh with your cousins, play games with your nieces and nephews, and make new memories that you will cherish forever! Most importantly, I hope each of you take time to reflect on just how fortunate we all are to have a Savior, Jesus Christ, who died and defeated death for us. We are blessed beyond compare! Happy Thanksgiving Turkeys!

 

Gobble till ya wobble homies,

Rach

Three Reasons Why You Should Go to Banff

Three Reasons Why You Should Go to Banff

You know when it starts to hit you.

 

You start feeling a little antsy and fidgety. You start dreaming of faraway places and of interesting people with stories you have never experienced. You start scrolling on the Instagram explore page and all the photos of exotic places, ancient buildings, statuesque mountains, breathtaking canyons, or little romantic cobble stone streets are the photos that catch your eye.

 

You start inadvertently packing.

 

But you don’t even have a trip planned.

 

My friend-if you have any of the symptoms listed above-you have wanderlust. Wanderlust is a serious affliction upon those who have a deep desire to see the world, to experience it through another person’s eyes, to be apart of something greater than themselves, to feel small. To feel wonder as you gaze upon creation unable to even comprehend the beauty, the majesty before you. You want to stand before something and have the shocking realization that your eyes cannot drink the whole scene in because the beauty is so startlingly obvious. You want to sit in other person’s home on the other side of the world, share a meal together, laugh about your new experiences, listen to what has shaped their life and realize that although cultures may be worlds apart, we are all tied together by the common human experience. My friend, if you have one or all of these symptoms, continue reading, and if not, continue reading and they will come. There are so many wonderful places I could write about, so many incredible people whose faces are forever seared into the canvas of my mind; I will write about them all soon. But for now, I want to talk with you about why you should take a four-day weekend to the most beautiful place I have ever been: Banff.

 

1. Lake Louise

As you stand before Lake Louise, something happens in your soul. You see the glacier nestled amidst the two towering mountains. You see the rocks scattering the shore, lovers canoeing and taking insta-worthy photographs that they will remember for the rest of their lives. Finally, you gaze upon the waters, the azure waters are like nothing you’ve ever seen before. As your hand touches the water, you feel the chill. The minerals have made this water bluer than any water you’ve laid eyes upon. It’s a different kind of blue-not like a tropical destination-as you look closer you see little blueish white flecks throughout all the water. As you look around you, you encounter all types of people. A family from India is on their fall holiday, a set of lovers from Boston is taking a selfie trying to capture the scenery behind them, and an entire family reunion of 28 bedecked with “Johnson Family Reunion 2018” traipses around the park with a selfie stick. The scene is so interesting-nature bringing together people from all different walks of life to gaze in awe of creation.

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2. Lake Moraine

Your next stop is Lake Moraine. You drive down a windey road, you have Mumford and Sons playing (because you’re in the mountains-obviously), and your feet are up on the dash. You are wearing two pairs of pants, a thermal, jacket, raincoat, and beanie. Yesterday at Lake Louise was 75 degrees and you were wearing your Outdoor Voices shorts and a crop top, but now its 35 degrees. You had to be prepared for anything on this four-day trek into the mountains. You pull up into the parking lot. Are greeted by a friendly Canadian guiding the cars. As you begin the walk to Lake Moraine, you begin to glimpse the same azure waters you saw at Lake Louise- but it’s different. It’s a darker hue of blue, more vibrant. You start hiking up to the best vantage point. You make it up there. Beauty surrounds you. Six sister mountains jut up behind the waters. It’s morning, so a fog still clings to the waters, obscuring the feet of the mountains. As you take in the scene, you hear voices: six British voices laughing. You look over and see three British couples around 55 years old laughing and trying to take photos with their ipads. You walk over and take their photos, exchange some friendly banter and decide these people freaking rock. They’re hilarious and so friendly. You spend an hour taking in this view, and then decide to hike. You don’t want a pansy hike-you want an intense hike.

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3. Larch Valley

From Lake Moraine you’ve began your first hike of the day to Larch Valley. It’s all uphill the first half so it’s a little slow going. You began to see little mounds of snow as you begin your trek. You wave and say hello to fellow hikers who have already completed the expedition. As you travel higher and higher, you see more and more snow. After what feels like two hours, you are now surrounded by snow, you can see down and see all the trees that were once a vibrant green, dotted with white. You start to see some little animals. Little mountain squirrels pop their heads up out of their snow holes to see who has come to visit. Finally, you reach the valley. Snow is everywhere. It’s like a scene from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. You hear running water. You follow the sound to investigate: you find a gorgeous waterfall energetically gushing through the snow. You have to stop the take some pictures to take with you. As you look at Larch Valley you are in awe. 1. Because yesterday was 75 degrees and today you’re covered in snow 2. The absolute beauty of it is breathtaking.

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So if you feel wanderlust creeping up on you. If you feel that urge to go, see beautiful places, meet incredible people from all over the world, and ultimately feel small-go to Banff and be amazed and completely in awe of how beautiful creation is. As I looked at Lake Louise, I thought of Revelation 4:6 where God’s throne is described as being surrounded by a sea of glass. I couldn’t help but consider how God’s throne is going to absolutely blow away the beauty that I saw at Lake Louise. I got a tiny glimpse into God’s beauty, creativity, and love as I explored Banff.

 

Peace n Blessings

Rachel

 

P.s. The three places I described are the tiniest peak into what this Canadian National Park has to offer. The people are incredibly kind, welcoming, and gracious. This town is adorable and has tons of cute shops and places to visit. If you’re looking for accommodations, I stayed at The Hidden Ridge Resort. Our favorite place I ate at was Touloulus. I highly recommend both these places! If you have some trails I need to go back and try-please put them in the comments!