I don’t know about you guys, but I often times fail to trust God fully.
You would think at this point in my life, I would have it down. I’ve seen God take the most broken of circumstances and turn them for my good and His glory. But for some reason, I am struggling. I know I am not the only girl out there trying to trust God fully and getting frustrated with my own lack of faith. So as I write this post, I want you to know, I am right there with you sister-fighting to believe God’s plan is best, fervently praying that God would help me believe His promises, and desperately wanting Him to capture my heart more. That being said, let’s find out together what it looks like to trust God during singleness.
SINGLENESS IS NOT A PROBLEM TO BE SOLVED
I can’t tell you how many people ask me how I am single or try to set me up with their husband’s twenty-something co worker. I want to tell all of them that singleness actually isn’t a problem to be solved.
In fact, singleness is a gift.
In 1 Corinthians 7:34, Paul says, “And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married one is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.”
Singleness is a unique time in a person’s life where he or she can be completely devoted to furthering God’s kingdom. It’s not wrong to desire a husband, but it does become a problem if that desire supersedes a desire for Jesus. If you are single right now, then God has called you to singleness in this particular time. Until you are engaged, God has called you to singleness. That means an undivided dedication to seeing Jesus’ kingdom expanded. And girlfriend-that is AWESOME!
WHAT IS MARRIAGE’S PURPOSE ANYWAY?
The purpose of marriage is to display the gospel.
Paul explicitly lays out the purpose of marriage in Ephesians 5. He explains mens role in marriage,
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
“IF YOU WANT A MARRIAGE THAT REFLECTS THE DESIGN GOD INTENDED, THEN WAIT ON THE LORD AND THAT INFORMS WHO AND HOW YOU DATE.”
The role of the wife is the church, whom Christ laid His life down for. The role of the man is Christ.
Christ died for the church.
Marriage displays the gospel in a unique and beautiful way. If you want a marriage that reflects the design God intended, then wait on the Lord and that informs who and how you date. Are you dating men who treasure Jesus above all else? Are you seeking Jesus with all your heart and seeking to live a life worthy of the calling you have received?
LEAN INTO GOD’S PROMISES
The other day, I asked one of my guy friends how he had such strong faith in Jesus-how was his faith so unwavering? His answer was simple:
Pray and read God’s Word.
Everyday I pray for a heart that mirrors Jesus-a heart that treasures Jesus above all else. I beg God to capture my heart more, so that I have nothing before Him.
Guys, I fail a lot.
Trusting God is difficult and praise the Lord He is faithful when we are faithless. Lamentations 3:22-23 are two verses I always cling to,
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.”
His love never changes.
His love never doubts you.
Jesus took your place and you are made right before God because of His perfect blood. Ask Him to help you remember that. God wants you, His daughter, to come to Him in prayer-to beg Him to transform your heart.
DAILY REMIND YOURSELF OF HIS FAITHFULNESS
How has He transformed your life already?
Remember when you first felt the weight of your sin. Recall when you first heard that Jesus Christ, who was fully man and fully God, lived the perfect life, died the death that you deserved because of your sin, but then defeated death, and was raised to life and is seated at God’s right hand.
Remember the first time you heard that and allow your heart to be filled with thankfulness.
One of my favorite authors, Jerry Bridges says, “Preach the gospel to yourself everyday.” Tim Keller tweeted (classic Timmy, amirite?!), “The gospel is not just the ABC of the Christian life but the A to Z of the Christian life.”
“THERE WILL BE NO MAN WHO CAN POSSIBLY COMPLETE YOU. THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO THAT IS JESUS. PUTTING THAT KIND OF PRESSURE ON A GUY WILL CRUSH HIM AND THE RELATIONSHIP PREEMPTIVELY.”
The gospel is the lens from which you view everything. Set your mind on His faithfulness and goodness, and stop being so concerned with who you are going to marry. Contrary to Jerry Maguire, there will be no man who can possibly complete you. The only one who can do that is Jesus. Putting that kind of pressure on a guy will crush him and the relationship preemptively. Trust that God is working all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 2:28).
Singleness can be a difficult time, but it can also be a really awesome time. Consider these questions as you learn to trust God during this season of your life.
Are you living your life unafraid and passionately for His Name?
Are you fulfilling the Great Commission by making disciples and teaching them all Jesus taught?
Are you bringing your desires to Him and asking Him to strengthen your faith?
Are you going to His Word everyday and fighting to believe His promises?
“GOD IS USING EVERYTHING TO TRANSFORM YOU MORE INTO THE IMAGE OF JESUS”
God is using everything to transform you more into the image of Jesus. You are a woman empowered by the Holy Spirit to live a life for the sake of the gospel. It’s my prayer for all of us to be changed more and more into the image of our Savior as we learn to trust Him more fully.
Lylas,
Rach
So important to be content in all stages of life.
This was awesome! Thank you!
Just one small correction – the Bible verse that says: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Is actually in Romans 8:28, not Romans 2:28.
This was an awesome read. Thanks for Sharing
Well, yes, singleness is a gift. But in what WAY is it a gift?
Paul seems to be referring to the ABILITY to stay single, not the state of being single. He uses the same Greek word he uses for spiritual gifts. In 1 Corinthians 7:7 he even says that these gifts are “from God.”
“It’s not wrong to desire a husband, but it does become a problem if that desire supersedes a desire for Jesus.” This is true. How much does that happen, though? You can desire a relationship/marriage and still follow God at the same time. I know it’s not meant that way, but this can come off as a bit condescending sometimes: “Remember single folks, your number one priority is Jesus!” Wow. Really? I had no idea. Hahaha!
It’s also a bit amusing because, at the typical church, the pastor, church elders, and probably most of the adults are married. What. did they do something wrong? Are their priorities misplaced?
“If you are single right now, then God has called you to singleness in this particular time.” I’m not so sure about that. That leaves out all kinds of factors. as Christians we often have the idea that God’s a puppetmaster who’s running every aspect of our dating lives. But it seems like we have a choice in the matter (see 1 Corinthians 7:39, for instance) It also absolves us of responsibility. People are single for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it’s just bad luck. Sometimes it’s for bad reasons, like lack of maturity, poor financial stewardship, things like that, bad social skills, inability to deal with the opposite sex, etc. Sometimes we just don’t have any candidates around us who are marriage material, even if they’re Christians.
These days, lots of people wait longer to get married. Is that a plan that God devised? God “used to” do that when you were 16-22 years old, but now He, in His infinite wisdom, has decided to test us further by letting us all wait an extra ten years or so. Right.
As Christians we often have the shaky idea that anything and everything happening in our lives is God’s will. Sure. What if I’m currently homeless, or unemployed, or being abused? Are those things happening because God wants these things for my life? I get that we to honor God’s sovereignty and all that. It seems like the proper, “spiritual” thing to do. But we can’t understand this, at the end of the day. Unless good things happen, of course, like marrying on our timeline. Those things are obviously God’s will, right? Sure. It’s certainly easier to “thank God” for them.
Maybe God does bring partners into our lives. I don’t really know. But this idea that He delivers the perfect soulmate at exactly the right time seems counterproductive sometimes, as well as shaky. It sounds great, and it’s comforting, but that’s about all it does.
Yes, God is good. But we live in a fallen world that is NOT good. And you might not be single, or currently single, because God wants it that way. It could just be bad luck.
Think about the Garden of Eden. Even when the world was perfect, God said it wasn’t good that Adam was alone, so He made a helper for him. Then what happened? Mankind sinned, and the world got all screwed up. You might not be single because that was God’s Master Plan. It could jut be bad luck.
In Matthew 19, Jesus also talks about singles, and he mentions a few different types: people who choose to live that way, people who were made that way by God, and people who were made that way by other men. So apparently, some people are single, and it’s not because they chose it or because God chose it. It’s just how life turned out. I’ve often read that there’s more Christian women in the world than there are men. If that’s broadly accurate, it means that not everyone will find a marriage partner. Is that part of God’s plan, or just unfortunate worldly circumstances?
If you’re single and don’t want to be, I wouldn’t be too passive about it. Especially if you’re over 25 or so.